Cowgirl Themed Weekend

Woke up so late at like 1. Went downtown with Leena to the library, of course it was an annoying ride where she started off telling me Santa Fe is known for "crazy high crime rate," kept slowing down at green lights, talking about how she doesn't think any artists who change the world can do their art sober. I never realized that with age, the world only loses possibilities and openness. I figured an artist in new media who tells me things change so quickly, that life moves faster than you imagine, would know better than to think that there isn't a single soul out there who has already done everything she wants to. What is new? What isn't rehashed at the end of the day? Humans are not boxed-in creatures that live in isolation, nor is one's point of view and perception "right". Filmmaking is turning out to be the most hacked art form with more and more "artists" in the field I meet. I don't need your point of view, I can take away what I want from it based on my own judgement, experiences, and literal lens. Everyone else in the other arts fields know that this is what happens, that's the point of putting it out there for judgement. I don't need you to manipulate my eye, to lead me to see what you want me to see and take from it exactly the thing you did. Leena is right though about one thing: most artists will live their lives making mediocre art. Yep. She's definitely right about that.

For all my bitching, I know that this is life and that I accept and appreciate her presence as a challenge. I am gaining a lot of self-awareness and self-pride in our talks, that I know where I stand and that I am no longer the vulnerable, fully ditto-like creature that I loathe seeing in others, especially in myself. I internalize and gage but I will never break and compromise who I am for the sake of others or because they strong arm me using age, confidence, and aggression. Those people should stay out of the arts and academic fields and maybe flourish in a cubicle. kthx.

After walking around the of course crowded public library (duh. Sunday afternoon, free parking, no shit.), we went to ECO gelato and espresso shop. I got the midori melon and plum sake flavors (both really good), Leena got pineapple and boysenberry and realized boysenberry was a gelato not a sorbet and of course complained. Of course she didn't let me finish mine, she scarfed hers down, got a mouth ache from the cold, and stomped back to the library. I savored, enjoyed. She scarfs and complains. She also of course complained about her work hours, how she makes $800 a month. And of course I ask her if she can cut back on unpaid hours and she goes "no." Big fucking surprise.

I left after she went into the library, sat in The Burrito Co. enjoying a chorizo breakfast wrap and a Coke. By 3 I was waiting in the Wells Fargo parking lot for (Marie)Lena and Gael. Lena drove me to Museum Hill to take Gael to the Museum of International Folk Art. Of course Gael loved the tiny children's area and spent two hours just playing with the puppets (especially the peacock one), the trains (Thomas the tank Engine), and just generally making up stories and asking me why this, why that. Such a cute 3 year old. Met a 5 year old named Jessica who was sweet and sassy and asked me if I was Gael's mom and where I was from hahah. After the museum Lena came to pick us up and brought us to Cowgirl (hence. Cowgirl themed weekend) where there was some really cool live music and I had a yak burger, and talking to Gael about his bug book. He really likes me which is nice :)

Got a call from my mother saying that my throat ultrasound came up with something and that I should call my fucking useless general physician tomorrow and get a prescription emailed to me. What. the fuck.

But in any case. Yeah. On the drive home I realize the sky looks so much darker because of the forest fire smoke, which completely takes over the landscape now. It looks so apocalyptic it's really...interesting. The arroyo looks like it's burning. I love this landscape, it hurts me to see it this way. But yet every moment I'm at a point of higher elevation, I breathe in and stare in amazement of the landscape, the hills, the thrush.

Oh and I saw a prairie dog for the first time! Leena pointed it out and I thought they were skinny chipmunks. I say it and of course Leena tells me that they're starving and thirsty. Thank you Leena, that's really lovely.

When Amanda picked me up last night from the rodeo she told me that she was the opposite of Leena in terms of rodeo. She grew up around rodeos, and hates it. Her father is essentially a cowboy, and she is no stranger to the weird events that are rodeos with the pickle juice, barrel racing, and utter cowboy-ness. Leena compared going to a rodeo as going to a place where Hitler had won and there were no Jews. Yes, Leena, you're Native, and Natives shouldn't go to rodeos because it's reminiscent of a time and world where they were dying out. But fuck you, Natives also have rodeos and no, rodeos are not that extremely white. Okay sure they did a prayer for the troops after the anthem and I was the only pair of slanty eyes for miles, but that doesn't mean ONLY whites and Mexicans were allowed to go. Whatever.

I get home and Amanda's home for a second. I walk in, say hi, and walk to my room. I noticed Amanda was completely naked, but I've learned not to expect anything anymore living here in this city. Apparently it was a body suit painted to look like she's naked. I shrugged. Very little can surprise me at this point.